Olive Garden is always a good choice for a first date

There's a Very Fine Line..

I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might...Kryptonite.

Taylor: Why does Luke* say so many sexual things to me and then when I respond he stops? Like stop making comments that are sexual and ill stop responding with innuendos

Mandy: not everyone’s perfect taylor, even superman has his flaws

Taylor: ugh but why does this have to be his kryptonite… sexual comments? I love sexual comments. WHY WONT HE SEXUALLY FLIRT WITH ME FOR EXTENDED PERIODS

Mandy: ill sexually flirt with you

Taylor: I dont want it out of pity

Mandy: take what you can get, girl

*The name has been changed to protect the innocent.

"Mom, please stop taking pictures of me im trying to sleep"

Drill Baby Drill

Actual text from Mandy: Is it bad taht instead of trying to fix the oil spill of the gulf coast i'm drunk? Should I do something? I don't know whAt to do.....raise Money? Nooooooi don't know I'm drunk and passing out kiss baby bird on the cute little cheeej for me

Translated text from Mandy: Is it bad that instead of trying to fix the oil spill on the Gulf Coast, I'm drunk? Should I do something? I don't know what to do... Raise money? Noooo I don't know I'm drunk and passing out. Kiss BabyBird on the cute little cheek for me.

I can't be elusive with you, honey.

Mandy: Tell me exactly what you're doing at this very moment and how you feel about what you're doing.

Taylor: I'm eating honey with a spoon, watching Gossip Girl, and I couldn't be more content.

Mandy: Honey... Interesting.

Taylor: Interesting and delicious.

Mandy: I'm likin' what I'm hearin'.

When Platonic Soulmates Argue...

Taylor: HBO must've read my mind because I was looking last week for O online and it was no where... Now it's OnDemand. AWESOME.

Mandy: O? Are you serious? Why would you want to watch that?

Taylor: We read Othello in English class and I love any movies about high school.

Mandy: You are so gay.

Taylor: No. No. Ms. I-Watch-Dancing-With-The-Stars-Religiously. You have no room to judge me.

Mandy: HOW DARE YOU BRING UP DWTS!!!!! THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE SHOW!

Taylor: O > DWTS on a cool scale

Taylor: DWTS > O on a gay scale

Mandy: Go fuck yourself. These celebrities work really hard every week!

Taylor: And who's good? Pam Anderson? I'll tell you who's good. MEKHI PHIFER. JOSH HARTNETT. JULIA STILES.

Mandy: Who's good? Hmmm let's see Chad Ochocinco, Nicole Scherzinger, Erin Andrews, Pam Anderson, Evan Lycek..... DUH

Taylor: You're a doodie.

Taylor: Sooooo my phone autocorrected "doofus" to "doodie"..

Mandy: Yeah.... Sooo....

Oh Perkins, Thou Art a Heartless Bitch

Mandy: Never again Perkins late night. I’ve been wanting to throw up all day

Taylor: Me too I feel so bad

Mandy: It was either the omelette, sausage, bacon, hashbrowns, chocolate milkshake, or chocolate chip cookie thats making me want to vom

Taylor: Or the pancakes.

Mandy: Oh god I forgot about the pancakes.

No one likes Newby's.

Mandy: So if I asked if you would want to go to Newby's with me you would say...
Taylor: "Why do people go to Newby's" is what I would say. I'm blowing Newby's up.
Mandy: It's actually fun. I was a hater just like you.
Taylor: Well now no one can go anymore because I'm blowing it up today.
Mandy: Awww c'mon now
Taylor: Poof. Smitherines.
Mandy: Stop :(

Gotta Catch 'Em All

Taylor: Ratatat - great band. Ratatta - not a great Pokemon.
Mandy: Nickelback - not a great band. Nidoqueen - great Pokemon.
Taylor: Pikachu - great nickname for my vagina. Pikachu - great Pokemon.
Mandy: F - fuck you. U - you need to shut up.
Taylor: Not nearly as cool as the last three comparisons.

Tru Luv

Mandy sent me this photo and the following conversation ensued.

Mandy: [photo]
Taylor: Wow.
Mandy: Love me?
Taylor: So much.

Majestic

...And Then I Stole Kevin's Car

Mandy: Hi
Taylor: Where are you?
Mandy: Where are you?
Taylor: Bryan's futon.. I think I puked last night
Mandy: Ew. Gross. I'm at Preston's. I just woke up to pee and now I can't go back to sleep.
Taylor: How did I get here?
Mandy: How did I get here?
Taylor: Right.

Make It Rain

Mandy: You’re a doofus.

Taylor: A STRIPPER JUST GRINDED HER TWAT INTO AMIE’S FACE

Mandy: Like on the street?????????

Taylor: In a strip club.

Mandy: Oh. Well you gotta be prepared for that at a strip club.

Two Real Ass Bitches in a Fake Ass World

We're Mandy and Taylor. We're platonic soulmates. We started a blog to share our ridiculous conversations with the world. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but you're welcome.